Perhaps
by Lucy Erinyes
Summary: Just a short peek into the mind of Severus Snape. Chapter Two is up -- Hermione's thoughts on Snape
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Hermione, Severus, and the rest belong to J. K. Rowling. I am only borrowing them.  
  
  
  
PERHAPS  
  
  
  
"Ten minutes," he thought as he look at the clock on the mantel. "Ten minutes till I'll have to face her and become the bastard that everyone thinks I am." Setting his book down, Severus wearily rose from his chair and crossed his chambers. Taking a deep breath the paused at the mirror. Merlin, how he hated what he saw. Years of the Cruciatus Curse, torture, and murder showed on the face reflecting back at him. "Maybe I am the monster they would like me to be," he whispered to the empty room. Putting on one of this infamous sneers, Severus turned to face the day.  
  
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From behind his desk, he watched his seventh year students file in the classroom. He looked for her but all he saw were the happy faces of this students that even the prospect of double potions with Hogwart's most hated professor couldn't dim. They should have inspired him or at least given him a flicker of hope, but all he could feel was despair. With the coming war pounding at the castle gate, he wondered how many of those "happy faces" would fall like so many already have? Or would they choose to follow his lead and sell their soul to Voldemort? Lost in his thought, Severus almost didn't notice her entrance. As usual she enter the classroom a few paces behind her friends, Potter and Weasley. "Her friends?" he questioned himself, "Why cant they see beyond their narcissistic 18 year old selves and notice the torments that Hermione has suffered this year?" Glancing at the clock on the dungeon wall, he began class.  
  
"Today, we will be brewing The Acutusaum Potion. It is used to sharpen your sense of hearing and is often used by mediwizards to relieve temporary hearing loss in patients. You will find the instructions on page 381 in your text books." Severus stood from behind his desk and added almost as an after thought, "Since the potion must steep overnight you will be testing this on each other tomorrow."  
  
Severus turned to see a cringing Longbottom," Have something to add Longbottom?"  
  
"No, Professor," he murmured.  
  
Severus watched how Hermione tried to flash a small reassuring smile to Longbottom. Her smile was meant to be warm and comforting but over the last year it has turning into simply a mere muscle contraction. "At least she puts forth an effort", he scolded himself, "unlike someone else...."  
  
"Um..Professor?"  
  
Waking him from his reveille, "What is it now, Miss Granger? Spending a little too much time with Longbottom? Need someone to hold your hand, too?" He snapped out of habit.  
  
Trying to ignore the snickering from the Slytherin side of the room, "No, it's just that..." she faded off.  
  
Sighing as he spoke, "Spit it out girl."  
  
"It's just that you were staring at me. Did I do something wrong?" she whispered in his direction looking at him with those desperately sad eyes.  
  
Shooting a cold look over his shoulder to quiet the growing laughter of his house, he turned back to Hermione and said, "10 points from Gryffindor for impertinence, Miss Granger."  
  
"But..."  
  
Stooping down and moving his face within inches of hers, Severus said with a low growl, "Shall I make it 20 points and a detention?"  
  
Casting her eyes down, "No, Professor" Hermione spoke softly.  
  
Turning his back to her, Severus returned to his desk. With one final glance around the room he fell back into his chair. "Yet again 'Snape-The- Evil-Git' reared it's greasy head, couldn't for once I show compassion or at least something besides contempt?" he questioned himself. Not that a year ago he would have cared. But now, after all the needless suffering she has experienced over the last year he felt a certain bond with her. Severus didn't know for sure what had cause the change in Hermione. Theories had been rehashed over and over again in the staff room and the current favorite had something to do with Viktor Krum and an indiscretion with an Italian heiress. Not that he put much faith in the current rumor because somehow it had the taste of a Malfoy being involved. But what he did know was that no matter what happened she needed to recover if not for herself for what was to come with Voldemort. He had another reason, though he could barely admit it to himself, he had grown to care for her over the last few months and didn't want her to look back at the ruins of her life with bitter regret like he did.  
  
Checking the clock, he wondered where the time went. "You should be done with the potion by now. Weasley, Potter pass out the jars. And make sure you seal the jars tightly. Mr. Filch has better things to do they clean up after careless seventh years."  
  
Leaning back once more in his chair, Severus lost himself in thought. "Today will be the day," he told himself, "today I stop her before she goes to her next class. I will tell her that I understand that even when one small moment in time makes it feel as if everything has fallen apart that she doesn't have to wallow in her pain." He knew she didn't need to be coddled, she got enough of that from McGonagall and Dumbledore. She needed someone to remind her that she is strong enough to overcome whatever happened and not let it eat her alive. But mostly, Severus wanted to tell her not to become him.  
  
The bell signaling the end of class rang and Severus stood up from behind his desk. He watched as most of the students grabbed their bags and rushed from the room eager to escape the confines of the dungeons. Severus could feel her name pressing against his lips as she walked out the door. Releasing a breath he hadn't realized that he held, he turned to enter his office. With a backwards glance he looked at the place where she has set for the last six years. "Perhaps tomorrow...." he said to the empty room. And with that he entered his office and quietly shut the door. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
  
  
Lavender and Ginny looked up from 'Unfogging The Future' as Hermione ran into the dorm and slammed the door. Without a word, Hermione crossed the room and threw herself onto her bed. Hermione's muffled sobs could be heard coming from her side of the room. Ginny stood, intending to comfort her friend, but Lavender stopped Ginny with a gentle hand on her arm. She turned to face her tutor with an inquisitive look but Lavender replied "It will only make it worse. Come on, let's finish studying in the Common Room." Taking the advice of the older girl, she quickly gathered her things and quietly followed Lavender from the room.  
  
Hearing the door shut, Hermione wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and rolled over to stare at the ceiling. Once again she regretted not taking the Head Girl position since it came with a private room. But she really didn't need the extra responsibility with the upcoming N.E.W.T.S. At least, that is what she told Professor McGonagall when she offered it to Hermione. Of course she couldn't tell her the real reason. How could she explain what happened when she couldn't even put her feelings into words when she talked to that stupid doctor her parents made her see? With that thought a strained chuckle escape her lips. "Wouldn't Malfoy and his goons get a good laugh at that," she said to no one, "little Miss Mudblood-Know- It-All was finally dumbstruck."  
  
Suddenly there was a scratching at the door. Pulling her wand from her sleeve, she turned towards the door and whispered "Alohomora."  
  
"So there you are, stranger" she said to Crookshanks as he sauntered in the room. "Out chasing the lady cats again? Just make sure you avoid the one with the circles around her eyes. She might turn you into a pin cushion." Turning her attention to the open door, she closed it with a flick of her wand.  
  
Hermione felt the weight shift on the bed as Crookshanks joined her. Reaching out to pet him, she felt some comfort in his purr. "I am glad you aren't ignoring me, too" she told him as she scratched under his chin.  
  
"I wonder what Harry and Ron are doing? Maybe I should go find them." But the thought of having to put on the ridiculous smile and pretend everything is all right turned her stomach. Gathering her cat in her arms, Hermione pulled him close.  
  
"I just want this year to be over," she told her cat, "I'm tired ... tired of acting like nothing's wrong and crying myself to sleep every night. But worst of all, I am tired of how the teachers are treating me. If Professor McGonagall gives me one more concerned look or Professor Flitwick gives me another sympathetic pat on the arm, I swear I'll start screaming and won't stop till they lock me up at St. Mungo's." Hermione didn't realize that her voice had gotten louder and louder until Crookshanks meowed in protest.  
  
"I'm sorry, Crookie" she softly spoke to calm him down. "I just want things to go back to normal but I guess that just isn't going to happen."  
  
As she felt the cat begin to settle again in her arms, Hermione started talking again. "Well, I guess all of the teachers aren't treating me like glass, Professor Snape was his normal nasty self today in Potions class. I almost got detention for just trying to cheer up Neville." Looking into Crookshanks green eyes she told him "It really isn't his fault that he can't brew a simple potion let alone a complicated one." Crookshanks blinked back in reply. "So where was I? Oh yes, Snape had just told us that we will be testing the potion that we made today on each other tomorrow. Of course, Neville wasn't too excited at the prospect of doing that. Then Snape barked at Neville, challenging him to say something. Even an idiot like Crabbe wouldn't take Snape up on that so Neville backed down. All I did was give Neville a small smile to let him know it will be OK but then I notice Snape staring at me like a grew an extra head or something." Scratching him under the chin, "But, Crookie, the weird part was how he was staring at me. It wasn't his normal 'Gryffindor Scum' look or even his 'You Remind Me Of Something I Stepped In Once' look. He looked like he wanted to say something and well ... almost human."  
  
"Of course, I had to say something to him." Hermione could have sworn that Crookshanks was shaking his head. Ignoring that thought she went on, "So he starts yelling at me and deducting house points just like always. As usual, it was embarrassing to be berated in front of everyone but after is was over and Snape went back to his desk, it didn't bother me that much. It was kind of nice to be treated like a regular student instead of an emotional mess that is ready to jump off the Astronomy Tower at any given moment, even if I did lose 10 points for Gryffindor."  
  
"I just wonder what he was going to say? And I wonder how many more house points I have to lose to find out?" Crookshanks snorted at her last comment. In a quiet whisper she responded "I would rather lose points then have to think about what happened last summer." Crookshanks snuggled closer to her. "I keep coming back to that, don't I? Well, I am not going to think about it tonight." Hermione lifted the cat off of her chest and set him on the bed. Standing she quickly undressed and slipped into her nightgown. She climbed back into bed to go to sleep but as Hermione rolled over and shut her eyes, she just couldn't block out the little boy's memory.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Hermione, Severus, and the rest belong to J. K. Rowling. I am only borrowing them.  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: I want to thank everyone that reviewed the last chapter. This is my first attempt at fanfiction and I didn't think I would get any reviews. I do have one request, I really need to get a beta reader. If anyone is interested please leave a message here or email me at lucy_erinyes@yahoo.com. Thanks again for the reviews. 


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